Where do I even start with this year?
So many things, so many people, SO MANY MEMORIES!
This year I started with a very morbid thought. Heart broken, wanting to end and finish things, not knowing how to be after what you call a massive heartbreak.
I laugh when I look back on it.
I got to know many people (Do not ask how I got to know them, it was mostly for one night). Mostly because I did not want to be alone with myself.
Either way, I was the most active this year. In terms of emotional turmoil, self discovery, finally being okay with stuff, and oh cats! Didn't know I would be so cool with cats.
January was a disaster. I think I broke a few hearts. Including someone who I can still say is my friend (Don't know if she feels the same). If you are reading this, I am really sorry for what I made you go through. I just wasn't ready to accept love. Love was a dead concept.
February I found myself on another interesting journey. I met someone, and well, we had fun. I thought I would mention I want casual things, so that I didn't cause another heart break. But oh well, I was the one who had the heart break. Lesson learnt from this. DO NOT EVER DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF A RELATIONSHIP!
March... ah march was interesting. I met two rather polar people. (Do not judge me for double dating, I was confused at this point, also poly amorous. Thought it would help me)
One was purely a physical relationship, the other was everything. Everything I ever wanted or needed. Made me want to forget the purely physical one... but it didnt last. Because it got too intense too quick.
Interestingly enough the physical relationship did last. You wouldnt really call it a relationship though. Mostly because it was a friendship. Though as you see, its a pattern, it got a little more than that for me.
I took a trip to varanasi, discovered some sense of peace. Tara and Kiran gave me this. It was much needed. Ended up running away from there mostly because I love delhi, and i wanted that person. It was borderline obsession, and let me tell you, it was the most unhealthy thing I did.
Clearly things didnt work out, and well, I went for speed dating. AND THAT WAS IT!
Speed dating, ha. I met two people, amazing people. Well, one of them still remains as someone I look up to, and run to. My adoration for them stems from how they have been. The other person was who I sort of had a relationship with. I didn't feel the spark, but I wanted to give it a shot. I believed that anything can happen if you have an open mind.
Obviously it didnt.
Obviously I was slapped (Much deserved)
Obviously I was told to "F*ck off! f*ck off! f*ck off!
But positive was that I got Lyra and Daisy. HEH LOVE THEM TO THE CORE! AAAAH!
still I managed to get one anchor through this. I wouldnt name them, but they know who they are.
I was so busy with the above aspect that I forgot about time. Time.. time.. I wish I had more time.
I had already cremated two people this year. Never thought... never... that I would cremate one of my own.
I was so angry with my family, and so self absorbed in my own things, that I forgot. And this is something I will definitely remember. This year... I lost my grandfather. A man, I spent most of my childhood with. It was august. I remember him being sick, and us taking pictures on 6th of August.. all of us. Never really thought we wouldnt have him anymore after 20 days. I remember him wishing me happy birthday 2 days before my birthday because he thought he wouldnt live to see it.
Then, he made a special video for my birthday... yes.. and also wished me at 12 , on my birthday. This man, lying on his deathbed, thought wishing me was more important than his condition.
I will say this now. I tried my best not to cry. I was sad that I felt I couldnt say goodbye to him properly. I wish I could have.. I wish I could do the rituals. I WISH! I do miss him. I miss him while I write this. The man who thought I was good at maths.
Some might think its easy for me, because I was closer to my grandmother. But .. this was my first grandparent loss. and I couldnt... I didn't know how to. I believed they were immortal. I believed I had more time with them.
I had a rock through this period. Actually two rocks. You both helped me through this. I do not know if you will read this. But if you do, just know, I could not have come out of a lot of things, if all of you weren't there. You guys helped me get aware of my demons.
This brings me to Lameeya. Ah, what do I even say about her. I did not expect her to come. It's something like a novel about love.. well more on the modern side. But i think I knew the moment I met her. Walking around CP and old ruins only because we both were too broke to actually go for a fancy first date. I also know I will marry this girl (Much to the displeasure of my parents/family/country/half of the world population)
Also I took a decision that I want to do further studies in something I really enjoy.
Things with my family are better at the end of this year. I hope I am done with the budha experience. I hope..... 2018 will again... hopefully, suprise me. Oh and I'm turning 25, so legal drinking age. WOOT WOOT.
Also Shout out to these guys, mostly because they were constantly perstering me through out my whole , weird after break up phase -
Anuradha, Well.. my annual note doesnt really mean anything without your presence in it. You have been such a constant through the good and bad.
Dimri, still pissed at you because of ireland. but you know I love you.
Saundy,I hope to continue pestering you through most of 2018 as well.
Kritika, boy do I love you so much. enough said.
Mansi, you have been absent, but i know you are there when I need you.
Sadia, You were an unexpected surprise. I dont think I've ever had a friendship quite like this one. Hoping it survives the test of time.
Yasha, I feel like anything I say would not be enough to cover our friendship. MAN! i didnt even think you'd want to be friends with me, after everything. XD
Tania, i'm glad we stuck to being friends. Varanasi, discovering history, everything was so much fun with you around.
Myna, The agony aunt who always was there. I remember crying and running to you, because I needed a hug. I needed someone to listen to me. Thank you.
NEHA GULATI!!! Just wanted to caps lock your name. Love you! <3
Unamed person! - just... call me sometimes, it's nice!
AVS!! - YOU ARE AMAZING! AND WOOF WOOF! :3
Okay. I think i put in most of my emotions in this (Most that exist anyway).
Hope for a good 2018. HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS!
P.s. - Above are only a fraction of what i could describe about the year, its too complicated.
P.P.S - It's overall a very gray experience.
P.p.p.s - I love chocolates, have diabetes, and have slip disc. yeah okay missed that out. think im done now.
