Now now, before we all get super offended or excited, I want to clarify something here. Recently I have come across some pseudo allies and that is great. I am glad we have some form of acceptance, but I feel like this conversation still needs to happen. A lot of "straight/cis" allies are well-meaning but they do sometimes cross a boundary or hurt us without meaning to. So I decided to write this for those people who are really interested in being a better more understanding and empathetic ally.
1) Who is the man?
I know I know, this is like such a repeated concept, and I feel tired mentioning this, but the fact is, regardless of the number of times people have been educated about this they still hold this sense and belief that there must be a man and women in a relationship dynamic. Not only is this enforcing gender stereotypes, but you are also being transphobic and extremely non-sensitive to gender. Like if you have done this before, please stop.
Some people may say oh no we mean who is more dominant/submissive, well to that I say, I don't think what a couple share in the bedroom is your business unless they voluntarily share it with you. So don't ask.
2) Modern Problem Require Modern Solutions
This is specific to people who say gay people are fine but they need to be held to the same standards as people of the opposite sex.
It's a bit hard to grasp so I will give an example -
Straight Girl to Another girl - Hey girl! You are so pretty!
Another girl - Thanks! you too!
Gay Girl to another girl - Hey girl! You are so pretty!
Everyone else - this is inappropriate! You shouldn't be saying that.
Sexuality doesn't change how you interact with another gender, we all grew up with the same people, observing the same behavior. I am not saying that if you feel uncomfortable you should not speak up, but maybe look into what exactly is causing the discomfort, if it's because the person is gay/lesbian, then buddy you know what you need to work on.
3) Laughing at someone making you go through another gendered line
So this one is a bit personal to me. I have massive gender dysphoria when I am asked to go to the men's line based on how I express myself. The unfortunate part is, that it's not even about the expression. But I will get to that.
Since this happens very often to me, I remember it hitting me really hard when I was hanging with my friends and these guards asked me to go through the male line. My friends who were ahead of me heard this and started laughing. Sure I played it off like a funny thing, but it really isn't that funny.
People assuming my gender is not something you should be laughing at, because for someone like me who has been struggling with gender their whole life, it's not helpful when mainstream society puts you in certain boxes, especially when you belong to neither.
4) Ewww please don't talk about your sex life
Alright so we all are adults, and we all are sexually active (Barring the ace people out there). It's totally alright to be uncomfortable talking about sex. It's not okay when you are comfortable talking about straight sex but not queer sex.
I know imagining other people being together can be a little uncomfortable, but if someone is sharing something so intimate with you, and this person is close to you, and you claim to support them, there is a way to put it forward. If the fact that it's two women/two men who are sleeping together makes you uncomfortable for whatever reason, then you are being homophobic. Please stop doing this if you are doing this now, it's really not cool.
5) If you like a butch woman or a femme man you are probably straight
I am moving back to this topic because this one makes me really angry. I just spoke about gender stereotypes a while back, and I want to highlight it again. Come on, say it with me -
A FEMM WOMAN IS A WOMAN
A BUTCH WOMAN IS A WOMAN
A TRANS WOMAN IS A WOMAN
A BUTCH MAN IS A MAN
A FEMM MAN IS A MAN
A TRANS MAN IS A MAN
I am purposely not mentioning non-binary folks here because people still struggle with the above concept, however, I do want to know an ideal mantra for non-binary folks (do drop a comment and DM).
6) Stop hooking your friend up with the opposite gender
If your friend tells you they are gay, please don't make it your personal responsibility to ensure they are 100% sure. It's their life, their choice, and most importantly their journey. Believe me, when I say this, with the life we have, nobody wants to be gay as a choice. It's a lot of hardship, so please for the love of god stop trying to hook up your friend.
And hooking up a friend while they are in a relationship with someone of the same gender is just you being beyond homophobic. So don't do that either.
I know I as a person keep saying I want to turn people gay, it's mostly a response to the above attitude I have faced over the year. I cannot turn people gay as much as you can turn people straight. So take a page from your own reaction to me saying I wanna turn the world gay, and laugh off this weird notion you have about turning the world straight. It ain't happening, buddy.
Moving forward, I know a lot of you would probably say but oh I didn't mean it like that, but it was a joke or anything. But please understand some jokes can be offensive to other people, and we can all keep getting better.
Peace out goiz.
