Well, i know the topic sounds a little less happy, well it's probably because I am not happy right now, as much as i pretend to be.
This morning, i got told something, i know it shouldn't hurt me much, because i have been hearing it for so long, one should get used to it, but i guess i long for that affection, for being noticed so much, that i probably will never move on over it.
Okay, the thing is, I know my parents love me, they care and all that jazz, but i guess bringing up my sibling makes them think they dont need to give me the same amount of attention and affection and all that crap.
They believe i dont need them, they think Im lesbian to revolt against them.
Which made me kind of laugh, why would i want to rebel, i mean come on.
Most times, i would not write about such things in a public forum, but this one will probably go unnoticed so I should say,
I love my parents, they have done nothing but support me, all my life.
But i dont think i'm good enough, nor can i ever be,
Yeah sure once i was good and focused, but, now i can't be anymore,
I guess apart from being a nice person, (which i still dont believe i am) i'm nothing,
I am nothing, and i will always feel that way,
They say your parents are the source of happiness, well, I just hope, one day maybe, one day they will notice what i have become, and i really want them to be my source, i really want to share everything with them.
Today, i was about to jump off my balcony, you know completely thought it through, just because i felt so powerless, useless, and basically just like a loser,
but then, after all those tears from gathering up the guts to jump off, I thought about my girlfriend, Ane, how i'm supposed to meet her, and if i kill myself... i wont be able to.
That stopped me, but kept me in a state of shock, that i was just about to commit suicide,
and no, ive always been considered a brave person, never did i actually come this close to ending my life,
well, i guess, Ane saved my life,
and then my brother helped me more, by talking to me, he tells me i dont love myself, i should, else nobody else will be able to.
People I do love myself, but its just not enough,
So why do i get the title of eternal loser?
-Don;t love myself
-not good at studies
-Dont have a special talent
-not a very nice person
and there are more but i wouldnt wanna bore anyone with the stupidity of a list.
I guess it's me signing off here, and if you guys wanna talk, ever, contact me on facebook,
Name - Stevie rae (naina dasan)
peace out
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