Reality check!

They say you meet one person in your life who teaches you a very important lesson.

A little more than a year ago, I was open minded, believed in the concept on one true love. I was naive about the idea of people being bad, and i believed everyone, I mean Everyone deserves to be loved.

If I liked someone, i was willing to go that extra mile, change my very being just to suit to their needs and necessities. Someone just asked me "If I wear my heart on my sleeves or what?" (Thanks Ronica).

I think I did for the longest amount of time.

Human beings were meant to be in pairs, however, we have become such singularly independent people.

So when I met this person at a party, I wanted to take it forward. I wanted it to be my forever. I saw myself build a life with the person. I think I got lost in those thoughts too much.

I've never really given a thought to things not working out. If i have something I wanted to work it out. I guess I did for the longest time.

This person changed me, changed the essence of me. Made me look at life differently. A 22 year old had to suddenly grow up, and grow out of naive thoughts. It was my first very severe relationship, and it will probably be my last.

I just dont feel the same way around people, I know it's not been long, but earlier I did believe anyone can be loved, Now, I just feel like I have no love left in me.

I see people , I think, wow if this was me one year ago, things would have been so different. There would be me making an effort to flirt, making an effort to woo, and what not.
Now, I talk to them, and move away, because I know it is doomed.


I guess thats how I have become, and its this freaking life lesson.

Some call this growing up, I call this ruining someone.

Why would someone want to steal the idea of having something special in their life.


And thats the important lesson I learnt.


Human beings are essentially selfish creatures, If something does not meet their needs and wants , they will never want to adjust.
In school , college, whatever kid phase we have, we are protected.

We have this veil around us, this idea of unrequited love.
It takes a very important person in your life to come and destroy that something for you.
This reality check about what is important, what stays , what doesnt stay. You learn that you cannot control things.

This is reality, and I thank you for providing me with this.

Now I will never ever love the way I did before.

I will never be completely vulnerable to anyone ever again, I would never choose someone over everything else. I will never trust anyone so easily again. I will stop believing in the best of people.

This is important to survive, I know.

So I will tuck my heart into the deepest corner of my body, and I will let someone discover me, layer by layer.

Yeah I want to feel like myself again. But then again, I have to change myself in order to adapt to this new reality I have been presented with.

I guess I will learn.


Till then, Peace out!

Charlie Bit Me!

and that really hurt!

So today I write about a recent rather difficult experience.

So how are we supposed to behave after a break up. All of us go our different way. Me.... I went the worst way possible. 

My major conflict was wanting to be alone, yet begging to have someone near me.

You can imagine what that would mean.

But as they say 'This too shall pass', and it is passing, in the most amazing way.


So things i learnt till now -

• YOUR JOB IS TOO FREAKING IMPORTANT!!!!
• The first point
• The second point

Do i want to learn more? or do i want to let myself go the same heart breaking path again?

Guess I will find that out soon. 

More power to me for not knowing. 

Winter is cruel for break ups

Yes! I said it! Thanks Myna and Debo for lending me this one.

So yes, I am single.

I wake up every morning, put a rod inside cold water, let it heat for an hour before decided to bathe myself.

So I wake up at 4:30am during morning shifts, and 8:30am during evening shifts.
Night shift I still need to see myself do while im single.
Well, just a few days to go for that.

I feel super cold at night, which is BTW destroying my sleep. Gone are those days when I could rub my super cold feet against someone who had warmed them up before (yes it's an evil thought, and then I wonder why I am single *giggles*)

First few days, I did not let myself be alone. To be honest, I knew what scared me but I wasnt ready to face it. Finally when I was alone I felt it. The constant longing for cuddling, and a warm body next to you.

In summers we tend to shove people away. In winters, we need the warmth.

I probably sound very shallow when I say this. But I just miss the cuddles. The person too probably, but if you have someone to make this winter (which somehow seems super cold) go by without shivering, well... I think you are the luckiest person in the world.

This winter has not even started yet, and I feel so cold all the time. Is it the anxiety? Or is it just that someone is compensating for the very warm winter last year? (Very funny weather wizard.. very freaking funny!)

This winter is going to be very long, and I have a feeling I will end up binge watching re runs of certain shows, and eating popcorn, and cooking for myself, and working.

Well looking forward to this winter. I hope it will end soon.

God Damn It Winter! Why you so cold!

Killing the Indian Culture

Well this got your interest didnt it?

Apart from the regular things i write about, lets focus on something a little more creative.

The most taboo'd thing to talk about in India is probably pre-marital procreation.

This is me trying to be subtle about the things that happen , which most of our parents/older generation is not aware of.

These day's we see a lot of love marriages, gay couples, and so many things that really westernize this beautiful

country of ours.

Is globalization really that bad a thing?

I agree that the India culture is slowly dying out, mostly because we being Indians are not aware of so many things that are a part of our country.

You meet someone from the US and they seem to know more about our country than we do. Things like politics, cultural diversity, food.. oh specially the food.

Let's figure out if everything is really as it seems. Back to the topic of sex.
Kamasutra, one of the oldest recorded documents of ... well you guys know, is indeed of Indian origin.
Which shows how we were really open about sexuality, and found it to be natural in terms of various things.Yeah some things in that are....questionable, but.. it is at the end of the day of Indian origin.

The same book tolerates homosexuality, as well.

Homosexuality was well tolerated before the colonial rule.
Them invading us basically with their catholic rules, and putting this law , basically made our country to stop accepting that.

Fact: even though the world thinks its the westerners, but we started it , and we were okay with it.


So to those who think ooo homosexuality and sex is so western, well think again.So where has there been western culture affecting our lives?

The mobile phones? the computers ? the TV's? Things that are supposed to
twist our minds into thinking the above said are okay?
Things that make us aware of whats happening in the world?
I guess, speaking english also makes us forget our culture.
I do agree, that most of us do not respect our culture as much as we respect our superstitions.

Indian culture isnt about the religious diversity of the country, its about the various
diverse forms of music art and dance.

Which we majorly need to push in order to gain back that recognition of being one of the most beautiful countries.


I love being an Indian. It makes me a part of this beautiful country, with so many physical topographical beauties, along with the cultural diversity in forms of music art and dance.

Yes we do have our lame arse superstitions, but most of it has been influenced by western countries.


Which makes us westernized.

So lets share this, and use these communicative means to promote and bring our culture back.


Let's appreciate what we have, let's appreciate the good things. Which we find in huge abundance, in this beautiful country of ours.

It's strange how i started with ideology's and ended withsemi patriotism, but.. thatshow the world goes.

You never know where you will end up.

Peace out.

The perfect illusion

Recently I had the time to rewind back my mind, and figure out what the ahem just happened in my life.

Things that i remember are so different from what I see now.

A break up is difficult, but breaking up with someone who you discovered so many things with is even worse.

I met this person in a party, yes a party. Not online, because eh after all the heart break and emotional trauma, I thought it would be better to keep it real. (Or so I thought)

You sit down to talk about things, on your first date. Things like relationship expectations, what you want, what you need, why it didnt work before. You tend to note down these things, thinking that the other person's ex is the one who is at fault, because the other person is just perfect (Its like you have foggy lens)

I heard things. Things I wouldnt discuss in a public forum, but then these things made me dislike the ex too much. I was too busy trying to fix the damages the ex had done, hoping that would win this person over.

Obviously this person was into me as well (or claimed to be, I dont know I was a rebound I guess)
I had a very heart breaking moment, when she asked the dogs where is mummy, and the dogs started looking for the ex. My person broke down crying. At that moment I knew, I was just someone who is helping her get through a tough time. I didnt want to accept it, because I had fallen for the wits and charm of the person, and wanted to stay in it. Hoping the same would be reciprocated to me.

I guess she did her best to try and reciprocate it, but it felt sort of forced. But again, me being the blind idiot, didnt care. I was in my own bubble of enjoying things. I guess things got tough when another element was added to the relationship. See, the worst part of it all was. I believe in sticking to a decision. Nothing is ever perfect.

There will always be something you dont like about someone, but you work your way around it.

Today I look back, I see all the signs, I see them today, I see what an idiot I was, and I see what an idiot I am.

I broke my age rule, shouldnt have done that. I did that for a reason. I thought I would make it work, because i can make her laugh right? well I was wrong.


At the begginigng, everything felt so perfect, it was an illusion for the longest time.
and now. NOW. I see it for the fucking bullshit it was.

I doubt myself for not being good enough, why?
I doubt myself for not doing justice to her, why?
I doubt myself for fucking every little thing.

I thought I had closure. You know if i would sit down with her one last time, talk to her about something. Things that bother me. I thought we had decided not to talk about each other. She promised me she would not get cozy with this girl.
We had a freaking deal!

Yet I witnessed what i did. Sorry doesnt cut it. I am hurt, and i do not know how to deal with it.

Positives yes. Positives lets look at those.
But everyone just wants me to be a heartless bitch.


This is my first ever break up note, and yes, aparently i let her take power over me.
Damn It! Lesson learnt! lesson well fucking learnt!