Discovering myself.

So today i begin writing about something, i have been holding back for quite some time.

The last 20 days... i finally had peace and quite and the opportunity to actually look at myself, of how i was to the world, of how everyone actually thought of me, and what bothers me and what doesnt.

My story starts 20 days ago.

I honestly am sick and tired of the lies people tell around me. That is one thing i cannot tolerate anymore. Lying.
So my parents decided to use me as a spy, to see if my brother goes to work, honestly, i believed with all my heart that my brother indeed did go to his work place, so i refused the first time, but we all know parents.

What bothered me most was, he wasn't there at work, i thought he would be there and he wasn't. I still decided to give him the benefit of doubt, but then he lied to me on my face, and said he was at work when i called him.
For me, that was the ultimate betrayal.
In these times, i had come to trust my brother, and i knew he would never lie to me, but he did.
I dont regret what i did next, but i did tell my parents he wasn't there.
I want my brother to be an independent person, not this guy who just gets bored and lives off his parents. I love him, and i want him to be the man my father is.

I had apoorva with me at that point of time, she thought she could calm me down, but well, i did cry silently when i was alone. So i stayed with apoorva that night, and next day i went to grandparents. That also wasn't bad.
I know there was something wrong in the house. My brother refused to talk to me. He still says i have no heart, well maybe i don't.

I was talking to Ane, but it seems like she and i already started talking less and less to each other. yes i was going through a tough time, and no i did not want to bother her about it.

\The 3 days away from my parents made me think of moving into the flat with apoorva and kenson, well it was better and certainly more peaceful. Home did not feel very homey to me.

Apoorva convinced my dad to give me a trail week, to see how i do alone, and my god , it was the most.... amazing time, amazing because i went to college, did all my things myself.

My brother was still angry with me, well he can be, i honestly dont care. (thats a lie)

All this time, i realized, there was this hole forming inside of me, you know like a void, or a black hole, which sucks in all types of feelings.
Honestly i started feeling like a robot, not happy, not sad. Yeah i couldn't talk to anyone.

For years ive kept  company around me to avoid me being alone with myself.
I can't handle it, i think about issues which id rather ignore.
My trip to kerela, for 10 days, alone, well, it was a way to face my demons. (i will write more about it in the followin articles, describing every demon)

Now, id say im a person, who just isnt going through the best of times.
2013 is sure not ending perfectly,
Disasters that happened till now
    -ane lost her net, for probably 20 days, i dont know how il survive
    -I have nothing inside of me
    - i am lacking emotional connection
    - i am wondering how my sexual prefference would affect the family, yes i may say i dont care about the society but my family does.
    - apoorva (this story will be ellaborated soon)
   

all this happened in the span of 10 days mind you, and im leaving out the sickness amongst my grandparents.

good things? well there are always good things
  - pretty face, or ursula my swedish friend was there for me
  - cazzy said yes to travelling with me
  - im back in delhi, and im moving into the flat
  - i got a 50$ note yay
  - saundy is coming to the new years party wohooo
  - my brother did call me heartless, but atleast he is talking to me
  - my wish on the shooting star came true, i asked the star to keep ane safe, and well i got the message.


considering how my good outweighs the bad, i think im still a positive person, if not heartless,

i hope you guys have an amazing year ahead,
i'll be writing more!
happy new year guys! :)

A True Friend

So i was talking to my friend jessica, about drugs and all, and about how things ruin lives,

She told me, she wants me to read, what she wrote, a while back,
and i thought id post it here, because honestly, It is the most beautiful thing i have ever read,
so here goes what she wrote -

Going along as i always do, I try to see good in the world. I see you. Lonely and hurting from the curses. You say that you don't want to live anymore..and i agree that death in sleep would be peaceful,but i do not wish it for you. The words hurt my ears. I ask you to not speak of such things. You think that i am just trying to be nice and am not being genuine...but there is something you should understand. I know how it feels.

 

I know of hatred. Detachment. The feelings of Cold-heartedness come without warning. Anger build without definite reason or purpose. Being so angry that you yell and want to choke the ones you are suppose to be loving. I know the ways of a broken heart. Another part of you seems to die every time and you just want to finish dying along with it. Ripping pieces from what faith you have in true love.

I know how it is to be abused..emotionally..physically..sexually. Wondering when it will end. You just want to make the ending come sooner. Afraid to go to sleep because of the haunting nightmares.Every memory of such is an emotional/physical attack of panic and anxiety. Hiding under the bed, locked in your bedroom, in a bathroom or even in a closet praying that it will stop. Not wanting anyone to see you like that because it will only make it worse.

The days of doing so many drugs, because it seems to be the only escape, are far too real. Becoming addicted and hating yourself for it. It is then something you need and not just want..willing to do anything to get it...and from that you should know that i am familiar with being poor. To feel the need to steal and to steal. You cant find work. It becomes discouraging because you have wants and needs to  supply. Knowing that you could go without the substances but being too ashamed from all that you have done to get help. Leading to extreme depression. Exhausted of it all.

I remember the times of lying in bed. Head throbbing in pain from crying too much. Of being tired of praying..left asking god, "what is the purpose in this?". I know how it feels to want to let go of the wheel, while driving, in hope that you might hit a tree. Days spent in a room, staring at the ceiling, begging to god, "Just reap your harvest already!" Crouched down in the shower..hand over head, just chanting, "kill me, god" or wondering if there even is a god anymore.

I know how it is to cut away with a razor to create a greater pain than the emotional one. Feeling dead inside to the point of which that is the only way to get a rush. It only leaves you with blood and scars. One day my daughter will ask me what mine mean. You can't change it..you can only cover it..in hopes that no one else will ask. Then it's better to lie than for them to think you are psychotic or worse..feel sorry for you.

I know how it is to be fat; to feel fat. Having a distorted self-image; Going days on end without eating, exercising till you almost faint and abusing pills...only to see no change in the reflection. I know the feelings of worthlessness, fear and failure. 

Even more i say to you, i know what you are going through! I can relate. It seems like there will be no tomorrow. Then the morning comes. You know its there but you hate to open your eyes. You can't stand for your children to cry or to see you cry because you feel that you are to be the strong one. Sickness riddles you, people die around you and the rest of the world goes half mad. Twisted in the mind. Hollow in the spirit. The world conforms you. Things eats away at your conscience. I am familiar with the convictions all these types of things can bring. It effects everything you perceive; faith, trust, friendship..Love. 

You say you hate yourself. Well, i cannot change the way you think. All i can do is tell you my stories to let you know that you are not alone. You are not alone.

reading this made me cry, and also realize that this woman, is amazing,
thanks Jessica, for sharing this amazing letter with me ,  <3

The little things that count

So, the last two days may not have been the best career wise, but if someone asked me what good happened in the last two weeks, id say loads.

Last week, was a boost of confidence, like a super boost.

First i get called a hotelier (no matter how old we get into the institute, when you hear it from a teacher for the first time, your heart just melts)

My service got complimented, and also my guiding skills. (it feels amazing when you are told you are excellent, and had no mistakes whatsoever)

I got called one of the most well groomed people in my batch (oh god the ecstatic feel to that)

also a random stranger asked me if i was an air hostess, coz im tall and smart... i was like woahhh cool :D


so then after all these things, i looked at myself in the mirror, and the only thing that came to my head was, wow ,  i think i can make it, i look good, :D


so yeah, even though i had no placement , i still feel awesome!!! <3

peace out

Mistakes

Okay, so i know how long it has been since i have written something,
I could not write, because i was too busy panicking and being depressed over something that did not even require my bloody attention.

So back to the new and most awaited topic, that i wanted to talk about,
My Placements have begun, and after a terrifying first round of oberois, and not even making it at OCER, i realized what i may want, and what it is that helps you with interviews.

My teachers, specially one teach Shraddha Paul mam, was telling us that being us, does not really help us crack interviews.
Loads of different guest lectures, told us to be ourselves,
so which one is the truth, which one isnt.
I will help you guys out with this,

Teachers as usual, were correct here,
I did not get selected because of my lack of interest in politics,
I should not have mentioned it, but i did, and i paid the price for it.

The problem is, my interest in politics is affected by my nature of being unbiased, that is why i do not like following the political world. Probably why i will never enjoy it, yes i can talk about it, but i would not take sides, or be opiniated about it or any other party.

I learnt from this personal interview that, you cannot be completely honest if you want to crack a good placement, yes maybe a little honest , but complete honesty just lets you to your downfall,

Though i have my dream job interview tomorrow, yes i don't feel very confident, but i will go out there and do my best, because at the end of the day, you knowing you tried is all the counts,
and i'd like to thank my teacher for helping me groom myself into perfection.

Peace out.

My life partner, and soul mate

If you guys don't know by now, you all should know I'm gay, and im pretty proud of it, 

yes i know my mother still doesnt accept it , but i guess there can be nothing more i do , 

I love my girlfriend more than the world, who knew you could find someone so perfect you almost feel like you are dreaming.

The reason i wrote this, because its a message to people who are homophobic, and also to my mother, who might be swinging in the homophobic direction.

I have been with Aneliya Kishishev for more than two years, no we arent humping each other like bunnies, we have a long distance relationship , and we actually had the time to get to know each other, unlike all the other relationships ive seen, where love and lust has no difference.

Aneliya has always been everything I never had, A best friend, A sister, A mother, A lover, and the list goes on,

I knew i had a connection with her, I still Know even if we fight, when i really need her, she will be here when im in need for her, and its the same way round.

She knows about my limitations to intimacy , and she is so fucking understanding , you guys will be jealous of her being my girlfriend, heck i know many women who will readily turn gay for her.

She has the most pretty smile , i have ever seen in my life, and i know this, whenever i see her smile, i feel like a part of my heart melt's into my vessels. 

She is smarter than most people i know, and knows thing , and teaches me things, 

I still don't know what she sees in me, but i dont care, she has been there , when nobody was there for me, 

she pulled me out of the hole i was getting into, and she didnt care how i looked like, she saw me, for the first time, someone called me beautiful, 

I am with her because she makes me happy, and fights and not talking or anything, id still just want her at the end of the day, 

I love you Aneliya kishishev, coz you have been everything, which those people couldnt be. 

P.s - she is just mine so dont even think about it guys

how to survive a war against yourself

Day when you start thinking, no i cant take it anymore, is when you accept defeat,

which can lead to disastrous consequences.

we all have times, when we feel low, and feel there is no hope for us, you feel like killing yourself.

People generally have suicidal thoughts, because they do not love themself enough, and probably undermine themselves, more than the human mind can generally take.

The cause's for self esteem can be because of a third person, and usually is because of a third person.

This happens due to, 

  a) during your childhood you had a whole bunch of kids making fun of you,

  b) your parents, start critisizing every aspect of you.

  c) you have negative self realization

All three reasons together can cause a mind fucking disaster.

So what keeps you alive, even if you are going through that?

It can be a little bit of love, and a lot of hope.

But when you don't have that, and you can't kill yourself, you start thinking you are too coward to kill yourself, that just puts you in depression, and well to those who have suffered that, or want to, trust me you dont wanna be there,

So you must be wondering why i gave that title,

It can be probably used as a self help, or maybe as a place where you feel comfortable knowing there are people more worse than you are.

I'd want to say, yeah, I am at war with myself, why am i at war with myself?

Because a part of me hates the other part of me,

sounds complicated? 

It really isn't.

The happiest people in the world are the one's who are okay with themselves, every aspect, every part, inclusive of the bad one.

And, there is a big difference between fake happy, and really being happy,

I'd say the one's who fake it , think they can fool the world, but its only them they are fooling.

Really happy people are not materialistic.

So why would one be at war with themselves?

=> hating some aspects such as the side where you feel isolated and distant, knowing that only you cause it.

We usually hate ourselves, because we give ourselves a chance to overthink, and we look into the small details of life.

So how do we stop that? 

Truth is we can't, we cant stop ourselves from being the essence of what we are, 

but what we can do is, try to also think about the good things,

you see along with some bad things, there are always good things as well,

sure, i wont be able to point out any good things about me, but i'm sure someone else will, and learning how to appreciate that someone's word, will help you survive through that terrible and horrible phase.

I know i'm still at war with myself, but knowing i have people, so what if it isn't family, they are still human beings who appreciate me, and this... makes me stop , 

It let's me survive this aweful war, which seems worse than the world war,

Those who have hope and love, will always be able to survive anything, and being at war with yourself is nothing, compared to the wide spectrum of possibilities of mishaps, 

Me - the eternal loser

Well, i know the topic sounds a little less happy, well it's probably because I am not happy right now, as much as i pretend to be.

This morning, i got told something, i know it shouldn't hurt me much, because i have been hearing it for so long, one should get used to it, but i guess i long for that affection, for being noticed so much, that i probably will never move on over it.


Okay, the thing is, I know my parents love me, they care and all that jazz, but i guess bringing up my sibling makes them think they dont need to give me the same amount of attention and affection and all that crap.

They believe i dont need them, they think Im lesbian to revolt against them.
Which made me kind of laugh, why would i want to rebel, i mean come on.

Most times, i would not write about such things in a public forum, but this one will probably go unnoticed so I should say,
I love my parents, they have done nothing but support me, all my life.

But i dont think i'm good enough, nor can i ever be,
Yeah sure once i was good and focused, but, now i can't be anymore,
I guess apart from being a nice person, (which i still dont believe i am) i'm nothing,
I am nothing, and i will always feel that way,

They say your parents are the source of happiness, well, I just hope, one day maybe, one day they will notice what i have become, and i really want them to be my source, i really want to share everything with them.

Today, i was about to jump off my balcony, you know completely thought it through, just because i felt so powerless, useless, and basically just like a loser,
but then, after all those tears from gathering up the guts to jump off, I thought about my girlfriend, Ane, how i'm supposed to meet her, and if i kill myself... i wont be able to.

That stopped me, but kept me in a state of shock, that i was just about to commit suicide,
and no, ive always been considered a brave person, never did i actually come this close to ending my life,

well, i guess, Ane saved my life,
and then my brother helped me more, by talking to me, he tells me i dont love myself, i should, else nobody else will be able to.

People I do love myself, but its just not enough,
So why do i get the title of eternal loser?
-Don;t love myself
-not good at studies
-Dont have a special talent
-not a very nice person


and there are more but i wouldnt wanna bore anyone with the stupidity of a list.

I guess it's me signing off here, and if you guys wanna talk, ever, contact me on facebook,
Name - Stevie rae (naina dasan)

peace out

My day out with Daddy!

I consider myself to be a very distant person, when it comes to my family,
I mean yeah, i listen and I hear everything, but i do not necessarily share everything.

Maybe because a part of me always feels ignored, being the younger one in the house, and being always treated like a kid. Probably my own imagination, but it doesn't change what I feel.

So, on 23rd june, It's a sunday, Daddy has an off on sunday.

Okay before i continue with my day, let me describe my relationship with my father.
He is very practical, as a person, and people say that i am a lot like him, (in every way) but when it comes to daddy, i rarely get the opportunity to share things with him. Yeah, i mean he is awesome, but sometimes it's hard to you know, just come out. But I love him, like a lot.


So recently i had been dying to go watch man of steel, and well, Sunday, Daddy spontaneously decided to take me!(yaay)

Well movie was good, and it was even better when daddy said he found it good too, you know we talked about how lois lane always lands in trouble, and how this superman looks okay without the underwear.

After the movie finished, daddy decided to take me for a drive, to see the river, being flooded and destruction caused by it, but, yeah we did make some crazy videos, which now when we see it looks very professional, it was fun with daddy,

After that we went to pick up ma, from her work place, and then picked up my brother and went to see family friends, well, it was nice, and the best part was, when we came back, Daddy and I sat down  and watched the most interesting final ever,

It was so cool, daddy and i bonded just on cricket,
it was indeed an amazing day, and probably made me realize that if daddy and i sit down to actually talk, we dont need anybody else, probably because we both laugh at each others jokes (same sense of humor)


Well daddy all i wanna say, is that I love you!

Haters can Eff off

Yesterday i was remembering my school days, and how i have evolved from that loner to what i am today,

Class 8th - Naina is an untouchable, good in studies, but lets not be friends with her coz she has weird hair,
Class 9th - Let's make fun of Naina, oh new person talks to me coz she doesnt know the rumours about me,
Class 10th - better settled, and more involved into activities with other people, studies are falling,

class 11th-  the most social person ever, talks to everyone, defends everyone, basically the most stupid person ever,

class 12th - Naina is weird, lets not talk to her, oh she was dating this person, she is such a bad person,



This note is to all those people who made me feel like killing myself during my school years,
Thanks to you guys, i became stronger, and unlike you all, who did not expect me to do well in life,

I am studying hotel management from the best college,
I have amazing friends, who infact arent assholes like you all were,
People like me, like really really like me,
I have the best relationship going on ever,

At the end, im happy,
more happy than you all, who tried to make me feel shitty about myself,
I may be ugly, but im happy the way I am, and being with a super hot person, who see's me for me, i dont give a fuck what you all thought of me,

and people who realize how you were such ass's, well, good luck tryin to make your own life less miserable

peace out

Friends forever

This story starts way back, my final year in school.

I had a very bad break up with my ex, when i was in class 12th, one thing i learned from her was that, you control your ownself, and nobody can take decisions from you.

well, most of you might wonder why the friends forever title, its because i met my best friend, just because of this break up.

I had started playing football to divert my mind from everything that had happened, never knew i'd reach the district level, just because of that.

Class's were tough, because i had no friend left, probably because of a lot of manipulation.

Anuradha, well... she and i were friends, not good friends but we knew each other, and i guess that was enough.
we had the same subjects, and after our entrepreneurship exam, she and i decided to take the metro home together. Both of us were a bit awkward, but when we started talking, i guess i realized she ain't that bad, well she is a bitch yes, but all bitch's are loyal and awesome, even if they bite, not that she does... well im drifting here.

She told me that  she could share things with me, and she knew what had happened, i was like who doesn't, it became quite public.
Anuradha and I started sitting together in classes after that, and that did cause a bit of jealousy in some of her friends, but she didn't care, which i really like her for.

Most times, i would go to her incase something happened, which i couldn't talk to anyone else about, and she would listen, and actually make smart ass comments, which made me laugh. Yeah.. it had been ages when someone had been so nice to me.

We did become best of friends, and on our farewell, i went to the gate, she was wearing an interesting saree, which made her look more skinny than she already is, well now she isn't but then she was.

Our school had a custom of giving the mr.sporty and ms.sporty sash to the sports captains, and no i wasn't a sports captain, so when my name was announced for it, only person who was genuinely happy was anuradha.
Infact she shut up people who were saying bullshit about how they thought the sports captain would always be the one for them.

So after the farewell, oh that part was fun, anuradha, nikki and I, went to cheenos.
It was an amazing time, and ice cube was even more fun, doing something crazy like that, almost made me believe that life couldn't get any better with her as a friend.

we even gave all the entrances, the same ones, though she was meant for a different course, im really glad she is doing well there,

I do miss her, most times because nobody could be as good a friend as she is, I mean yeah we fought, even hated each other during our school days, but, she is like my best friend forever, and im glad she came in my life when she did,


So moral i learn from her - sometimes the worst of things happen to you, so that you can get the best outcome.

Thanks for coming into my life Anuradha,
I love you for being there, and for continously making me not do the wrong thing, without you i would have never had moved on from all those horrible things, and..... also called 'someone' BBC news... though im sure that someone didn't get what i meant,

Anyway, you are someone, i'd always be there for, and i know you would always be here for me, i expect you to be the person you are,

P.s. - you will always be my beeechhhh

learning of the day

I guess i decided to make this blog because of my failed attempts at trying to impress someone.

I remember that scene in madagascar 2, when alex the lion tells a monkey to pull them up or else they will break the dam. Though the message conveyed after several messengers is to break the dam.


What i'd like to say from here is, dont ever send a message directly or indirectly through a third person, it is possible they might break the dam as well.


From my personal experience, I really am still trying to talk to this senior, because apoorva asked me to interact. well, the thing i noticed about her that she isn't bad. I mean i guess i told everyone she isn't bad, she just tries to show she is mean, even though she isnt, for her own reasons i'm sure.

The message that reached her was,
i think she is mean.


Man, the people these days don't focus on the good things in life, i've tried and tried to notice only the good in people, yet some people just make me go ugh, and no she is not one of them.
I'm talking about the people who were the messengers.

Well if she ever reads this, which she won't, all i wanna say is that i'm sorry. I never said anything bad about you, people just twisted my words and told you.

sincerely,
the misunderstood one... clearly -.-

down the memory lane

This one was requested by my friend apoorva, well she is a real amazing friend of mine, and yeah we are just friends ;)

the story starts when we were in our first year. The annual day was one of the biggest events in our college, specially because it was our golden jublee year, and we are the golden jublee batch.

Our Annual day was themed on bengali culture, the main attraction was our dance drama - shyama, by rabrindnath tagore.

Most of my friends know I can't dance, well if someone asked me to dance, someone watching might commit suicide. I hope that gives you guys the idea how bad i must be.

My senior, Malvika ma'am had told me to dance, atleast for my first annual day. I did audition, and surprisingly, they did put me in a few dances.
Me being tall, is a huge problem so i was shifted to another dance.
My group had 6 people, plus my main senior playing shyama.
Apoorva was on my side, and dancing infront of me.

The thing is, Apoorva and I were more of aquaintances then, only source by which i knew her - facebook.

first picture of us, during practice

If i had to describe her when I first saw her, it would be a lady with tremendous sex appeal. I remember a batchmate coming up to me and telling me how hot a chick did i score. I just smiled.

So apoorva and I used to have fun making jokes, on us being all that, and i remember one of her friends going OH MY GOD!! ARE YOU CRAZY?! WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK NOW?!

It did sort of piss me off, but it was awesome how she handeled that.
Annual day practice had a lot of fun moments, you see our leader, used to give other groups dancing as well, so we used to do weird stuff while she was gone,
everything apart from practice,

Titanic recreated

 

 

So a day before the event we werent sure if we remembered the second dance steps, so we it was kinda horrific and scary how our senior was, blah blah blah you cant dance, il cancel it, blah blah.

 

Though we did manage it, and our final rehearsal on stage was the day when we finally almost got it right, note i said almost.

 

 

day before the function, i remember it being hot.

 



 

 and then came the day when we had to dress up, and practice, yeah annual day for 50 years of college is aparently a huge event.
So my friends had amazing fun clicking pictures of me wearing nailpolish, i mean come on, nailpolish sucks otherwise,

naina we need to click this, said my friends

 

 

so after a few rounds of practice, we all were tired and decided to sleep, and apoorva being the brat and the devilish mind clicked the picture of us sleeping,

 

sleeping before the function



when the moment came to me dancing, i wasn't that bad(thanks to geetika mam)

though i fell once while gettin up on stage, but nobody noticed it, luckily.

 

 

 

our small little group

 

 

 

 

we partied for a while, while enjoying the music played by mihir, yep he was awesome.

 

 

embarresing apoorva with sid and my drama

 

we then decided to go back home all of us, i stayed over at apoorva's that night, and no nothing happened.

it was a wild ride home with, prateev sir, hitanshi, dimri and apoorva, a story i will write some other day

 

Hope you guys enjoyed the memory lane, more to come, and request for any if you want it to be written.

Taking life seriously.... or maybe not

After my boards finished, i honestly had 3 months to kill, 3 months of doing nothing. So since I wanted  to do law, my mom got me into a career institute for studying for the Law entrance.

See the basic thing was legal apptitude classes were the only seperate classes for law, rest for maths, logical reasoning, english, general knowledge, and weird stuff.

Legal apptitude classes were there once or twice a week, and instead of attending the class, i used to go have hookah with my new found friends out there.

BIG mistake, but definitely gave me a nice bad ass hit.
So before joining college, i was already ready for the hotel industry due to my exposure to all that.

But that is a different story,
My main aim, Law, or journalism was going great, actually come to think about it i had an amazing chance at journalism as i expected around 90% above in english.

So i gave all the entrances, and i clearly remember doing random answers in english coz i didnt have the time to do it.


My board result was the first to come out, honestly i hadn't studied like a serious student, but i knew what i was doing.

My score card was -
Economics - 77
Accounts - 77
business studies -66 (after failing continously for 2 years in it, this was pretty awesome)
Entrepreneurship - 83
English - 56

The english marks gave me a shock, doing english honours, or journalism from a good college went right through the window.
Honestly i still dont know why i was given such a low score, because the paper was amazing.

So i had given an entrance on journalism and hotel management as well, so it wasn't half as bad, but now when i talk about it, im glad i didn't get through law.

My journalism rank was 41 All india,
Clat rank - 4500
Hotel management rank - 327


now i could have done journalism, but i was getting the best college for hotel management, best college in the country, so i thought through it a lot,
and finally decided okay, i will do hotel management,


I might have regretted not studying for Law, but now when i think about it, i might have run away from there probably because it would have a lot of serious people, and i could not deal with seriousness.

I mean Law, is for maintaining justice, not for ruining your own life.

And, if i had another chance to go back again and change my choices, i probably wont go through with the law exam in the first place.

But at the end, i am happy i enjoyed my life then, rather than go about carrying books and being all studious just for the sake of law,

P.S. - Hotel management students do have their perks, plus being here in IHM pusa, kinda made me meet awesome people,
people i will be talking about here  in my blog, though i will change names, for keeping privacy, but, you will hear it all people,

this is me with a few friends at my college

I hope you guys enjoy this, and enjoy your life,
do take your life seriously if you want to be a rich bitch,

but do let yourself lose once in a while too, it can be fun believe me,


Signing Off,
Naina Dasan

we can get proffesional too at times

Karma... or is it?

When i was younger, around 10 years old or so, i used to call my brother a failure, on his face , because i hated him, you know like everyone hates their brothers and sisters.

But calling him a failure wasn't the right thing to do,
I mean, i did think of him as a loser, as my parents always thought i was the smarter kid, and honestly, i didnt wanna be anything like him.

Top grades and being good in sports, i was all that, and extremely over confident that my parents were soo proud of me.

But as the name of the post suggests, Karma, did come back to me, for being nasty to him.
I started failing in subjects i used to top at. Due to careless mistakes.

I decided to apologize to my brother for that, and i knew it wasnt gonna change what i deserved. So, i decided to be the better child and not smoke or drink or do anything like  that, infact i would become a vetinary doctor, and help animals,

That was the dream, but i didn't get science when i was doing higher school education.

My brother at that time was pursuing Hotel management, and i thought that course was for losers.


Ironically i landed up with commerce without maths, and in the same class as my brother was, with the same teachers.

I still thought, i would give myself a chance to do law, or journalism,
and i did think id do that,
But my clat rank being 4000 something law wouldnt have been awesome, and my back up entrance was hotel management, in which i got a great rank (and who doesnt believe in fate now)


So i did get through hotel management, and right now as i type im doing my industrial training in the fourth semester.


I'd like to apologize to my brother , right here in the public forum ,
Hotel management is difficult, and ironically following the same path as he did, made me a lot like him,  but i got to know how awesome he is,

and i do regret calling him loser, and all those names,
because what he did, is not bad, its just how he was shaped up,
and when i see him now,  i realize, bloody hell i was such a judgemental bitch,

All i wanna say now is,
I love you dada, 
and karma kicking me in the ass, and taking me towards destiny,
is all thanks to you! 




moral: karma and destiny, are connected 

Welcome to my blog

ello there

I started this blog for the sole purpose of entertainment,
To me , and also to a lot of people who might or might not want to read it.



So introducing myself here,
My name is Naina, and I prefer being called by that name,
I've gone through many things in life, and some of which i will be sharing with you.

simply me

I am 19 years old, and am in a stable relationship with an amazing person.

i'm pursuing my hotel management course, right now at training in the front office department in the radisson hotel.

I can't be considered as unsocial, but currently im all career, and relationship. so yes a really serious phase for me.

thats all i can say about me, in this post, and the rest you guys will know once you keep following the rest.

Hope you enjoy reading my blog,
You will find adventures, funny things, experiences, photo's, everything out here.

I do consider my life to be adventurous enough to write about,
who knows, i may turn out to be a journalist after i finish this course.


Have fun guys,
and welcome to the world from my point of view!